I have to admit to dipping my hypothetical toe into this years season of Love Island. Not something I usually watch but, even though we have at least 4765 million, channels there really isn’t anything on TV worth watching.
But it’s left me a little bewildered and I am finding it very difficult to believe any of it is real after a number of observations made. Things just don’t add up and I now have my own conspiracy theory that it is actually studio filmed in a rainy, well propped studio somewhere is Bangor, perhaps near the field where Rihanna “found love in a hopeless place”
The first thing that raised my suspicions ,was the hair, especially the girls! I surrendered from the Hair V Sun battle many years ago. I tried tirelessly to keep it looking…. well human basically. No matter how many products I used, some of which we had to remortgage the house to get, never worked. My hair laughed in the face of hairdryers, taunted and teased the straighteners and the only thing it responded to was a tight elastic band that swept it up and kept it contained in close quarters at all times.
But on Love Island frizz isn’t an issue, they style their hair everyday and it sits perfectly – no Monica moments for them. Humidity and heat seem to be their friend, Stunning curls, poker straight locks and not a stray hair or tight elastic band in sight…..is this realistic??? I think not!!
Then there’s the oh so even tan….. really!!! Where are the burnt shoulders? The Rudolph red noses? The white panda eyes? The Strap marks???? My God no one is even peeling!!!! Not a hat in sight but yet no sun stroke!!! No “ahhh don’t touch me!” or “My body is on fire!” – No no, not on love island, they all tan remarkably well and evenly not one little cherry tomato in sight!…… Suspicious don’t you think?
As for make-up…… don’t even start me. Not one shiny sweaty face, no blotches, no mascara being accidentally smeared round the eyes, it seems their make up is also immune to the heat, mine melts off after a few minutes, another battle I turned away from many moons ago.
And Insects, well they aren’t a problem for our islanders, they don’t need to smear themselves in mosquito repellent. You don’t see them chasing round the room with a shoe trying to kill the little buggers. Not a hive or bit in sight!!
But the telling sign, the absolute definitive piece of evidence that assures me this is not a real “love island”……….. the obligatory Holiday Squirts!!!!! Not one has complained of a cramp, a dodgy tummy… There are no lines outside the toilet, no one shouting “hurry up it’s my turn L’m busting!”, nope not one upset tum to be heard about!!
The boys however keep it real…. they lounge every day proudly exhibiting their six pack….. just like all the men I see on hols…. You spot that six pack, then it’s a five pack, a four pack, three pack, two pack and the last one keeps them going on their return journey to the beer shop!!
Love Island or Bluff Island… you decide!!
A wife, mother and full time worker.....just wondering why my husband gets so many more passes in life than me....and learning how to best win the ongoing family battle of who does what and when