When my husband tells me he’s going to the shops I feel a tingle of both apprehension and fear. It is impossible to ever know what he is going to return with.
We once had a full Salmon in our freezer for a year because he got it for such a good price. It wasn’t gutted or portioned and he did neither of these things when he brought it home, so poor Fred, as i came to know him, was shoved in a drawer beside a bag of frozen peas and left to languish until such times he’d be needed, and no one ever needed him!
For dinner one evening i served him some chicken fillet coated in a chilli sauce which he loved, loved so much in fact that when he came back from the shops that night he had a full 10 litre tub of the stuff because the local butcher told him he could have it a wholesale price. Told me it would be handy for BBQ season, which has come and gone twice and it’s still never been opened.
And we mustn’t forget the box of individual 50g mustard sachets, of which inside there were 500 of the bloody things…. and the reason for this purchase – it was only £5, and the catch – a week before the best by date!!
But his best purchases are the ones that you never see coming. Like popping to Lidl to get some milk and returning with a full wetsuit and swimming shoes to match. And the reason for this purchase, which was priced so well he couldn’t walk past it, the reason my friends was it would come in handy if he were to do a triathlon! This was the first time I had ever heard this word come out of his mouth. It still hangs proudly in his wardrobe and he wears the swimming shoes as slippers but sadly that triathlon still hasn’t presented itself.
Again, loving Lidl, he came back with a canary yellow cycling outfit, of course it was priced so well it would have been a sin not to buy it, and of course it would come in handy for all those cycling trips he’d go one. It hangs brightly by the wetsuit, sadly he keeps forgetting to submit his application form for the tour de France.
Or how about the little woven footstool he bought for our daughter to sit on, she loved it but sadly also enjoyed pulling the weave out and making big holes in it…so it was put away in the loft as he wanted to keep in good in case he ever needed it for fishing!! He has never fished!
One can only assume that he has a cunning plan to cycle to the coast, swim out to some rocks, place his bum on the little stool and give fishing a go….and if so I’ll pack Fred and some mustard and chilli sauce so he can at least have some lunch…